Hays and Signe

What one says at the wedding of ones' son, or at least what I said

Welcome and Introduction
As we begin this afternoon, we would do well to consider exactly what it is we’ve come to see. This may seem strange to you, many (including Hays here) likely grumbling, “Just get on with it.” But do you know what a wedding is? I think we’ve grown far too familiar with what weddings look like, and have forgotten what a wedding is. And given that all of us in this room have taken on particular roles in what’s about to unfold, its actually quite important that we consider what it is we’ve come to do, before we do it.

I stand here at an altar, and in a wonderful turn of events, I’m also the father of the groom, presenting him here at the altar to be married to this woman. Another father, Mr. Holloway here, has just done the most remarkable thing. He’s walked his daughter down that aisle (you guys all stood up and watched) to this same altar. Now, if you’ll remember what altars are for, then you’ll start to get your head around why this is all so remarkable. Altars are where things go to die and where those dead things are brought to life again, but made new. Two people, whom we love dearly, have now been presented at an altar, where they, through absolutely insane vows and promises and a kiss will die and be raised.

And you’re all here as witnesses to this astounding thing that’s about to happen. By coming to this wedding, you’ve taken on a vocational responsibility - a calling. Biblically speaking, witnesses aren’t just people who see stuff. They bear witness. They tell people what happened. They give testimony to what happened. You are here. You will see two people die and be raised something new. Your job is to be a witness to these events, and particularly to be witnesses to this event to Hays and to Signe. Because as we all know, somewhere through the years of this marriage, they will be greatly helped in being reminded of what you saw here today.

Lastly, and easily the most important and oft-forgotten aspect of what’s about to unfold here, is the One doing all the work. That isn’t me, by the way. In Mark 10, the disciples are asking Jesus questions about marriage, and there is this wonderful little line that gets overlooked. He says, “What God has joined together...” Do you see it? God is here. God is acting. God is putting to death and raising to new life. I get told relatively often, “If only I could see God do something, then I’d believe.” Well, its pretty incredible that you are here then. You are about to see God do something. In the end, we’re in this room, and Hays and Signe are at this altar, not because of a particular set of dating choices, and dress choices, and marvelously blue-suit choices. We aren’t here because Signe’s family decided this church was a nice one for a wedding. We are here, and this wedding is about to unfold, because God is acting, God is making something new. God is joining them together.

So, acknowledging these realities, I’d like to open in prayer and ask that God might bless the very thing He creates here today, that he might give you eyes to see and understand, and that we’d all (and by that I mean me) get through this without too many tears.

Homily
Hays and Signe, let’s spend just a few minutes (I promise, Hays) considering what God is creating here today, and how He’s remaking each of you today. Since you’ve come to an altar to die, its good to have an idea what God will raise you as moving forward. In Ephesians 5, God gives us precisely that. It was just read, so let’s consider briefly what it says to you.

First, God is establishing a covenant. The text uses language like “head” “we are members of one another,” and “two becoming one flesh.” That’s covenant language. Covenants always involved blood and death, but they also bring life. Covenants aren’t contracts or loose agreements. They create something new. They bind two parties together. Hays and Signe, the vows you take today constitute a fundamental change in who you are. God takes the two of you, and binds you together in a way almost utterly unique in the whole shape of human existence. He takes two people, prone to sin, and binds you together. Have you ever seen a three legged race? Run in one? Well, welcome. In God’s glorious wisdom, he sets in front of you a race that you get to run together, and he means for it to be a means by which you can actually run more fruitfully, more joyfully, and with more laughter - if not always faster. Today, He gives you the first of almost countless gifts through one another. And like all the gifts God gives, but particularly so with covenantal gifts, they have to be received by faith. Its easy to see these gifts on a day like today. Pretty dresses and nice suits kinda shout the goodness of these gifts. But the gifts keep coming. They come through blessed seasons and through hard providences. They come abounding in all shapes and sizes. And it is vital to remember the covenantal shape of what you are doing today and believe that God has promised, in this covenant, that all these things are gifts, including one another - and receive one another with faith.

Hays - you receive today a new and fundamental vocation in relation to this woman, and in relation to the world. You play a part in this covenantal drama that will define your life. Notice what God says here in Ephesians 5. “The Husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church.” This is not a command concerning what ought to be, but a statement concerning what is. This is a description of a vocation not a description of what one ought to do in that vocation. You are the head of your wife. When you walk from this altar with this woman on your arm. You are her head. Your calling is one of leadership in the dance that is marriage. You will always lead, sometimes well, sometimes poorly, but from this day on you are leading. Leadership is responsibility. It is bearing a weight and setting a course. But where and how are you to lead?

God says, “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church...” This can get confusing for some. Modern Christians have rightly seen the sacrificial aspects of what God calls you to here, but failed to hold it together with the leadership which frames it. You must lead, you must bear responsibility, you must set the trajectory and the rhythm and culture of your family’s life, but you must do so in love, not for your own selfish ends or your own satisfaction and comfort, but for your family’s holiness. Love is no mere sentiment as God commands it. He is not merely commanding you to feel warm feelings about your wife. He is commanding you to pursue her objective good - her holiness - in your leadership. To assume sacrificial responsibility gladly - and to aim at her Joy in God. You are to wash her in the Word. This text teaches that your whole life now becomes a proclamation to your family and to the world of the nature of Christ’s leadership of and love for his bride, the church. You come to this altar, dying to self, and are raised a Head, a husband - which is to say a farmer, commissioned by God to cultivate life and godliness and fruitfulness and joy in your home. As you lead in this way, she will grow into, as the text says elsewhere, your glory - in other words, she will come to reflect in the world the nature of your leadership. And as you fulfill this good and blessed work, you give testimony to the Authority and Love of Christ for His people. You will either do so faithfully or you will do so in such a way as to lie about Jesus. This is the glory you have been called to on this day. Good luck.

Signe - The description of the office you take up today includes words like “submit,” “obey,” and “honor.” These aren’t popular words today. We’ve been trained by our age to hear such instructions as oppressive and ugly. But such characterizations are a terrible lie. You enter into a call to glorify, to adorn, to multiply the leadership of your husband. The submission commanded here is the willing submission of one equal to another, it is the image of the very glory of the Son when he submitted to the Father’s will in the garden as he said, “Not my will, but yours.” And just as Hays is given the mantle of leadership in the name of love. So you are given the call to submit, or to come under the leadership of Hays, in the name of honor. You are to bring all the numerous gifts and glories that God has given to you to bear on the particular work God has called the two of you to through Hays. To magnify and multiply your husbands leadership and fruitfulness. Submission and obedience to your husband is not passive. It is like the dancing that the two of you love so much. He leads, you glorify.

And the sum of the matter, both in Ephesians 5 and in marriage, is that this marriage is all about the gospel. A godly marriage must not only display the gospel, but be lived by faith in the gospel. Christ has forgiven your sins, so you must forgive one another’s sins. Christ has laid down his life, and so, you lay down yours. Christ has cleansed us, made us holy, and brings us to joy, so you, too, must pursue, together, holiness, and cleansing and joy. Believe the gospel. Live in the Gospel. Obey the Gospel. And enter into the joy which God promises and gives today.